I miss 'proper Christmas'

I miss decorating the house properly. Properly means fully. Doing Christmas activities with the kids. Elaborate gift wrapping. Wreaths everywhere. Stars. Millions of stars. Manger scenes of many sorts. Carols - remixed versions and covers mostly.

But circumstances have conspired to prevent me. There's nothing for it. The best I can do is vow that I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.

But I'll go easier on the decorating and the carols for ten months or so.

stopped, found, held

stop me
stop me, please Jesus
when I hurl myself at brick walls that aren't meant to move
when I stomp down paths that lead to dead ends
find me
find me when I fall down cracks I thought I could jump over
when I end up lost in places so far I wonder if I really have made it to infinity or beyond
hold me
hold me with Your hands clamped on my shoulders when I try to squirm away
when I curl into a ball of glowing shame at the newest addition to my personal museum of failures

but You are using those brick walls to stop me, aren't You?
and no matter how deep the crevice I've trapped myself in, You're right next to me, aren't You?
those are Your arms around me right when I think I might have managed to evade You, that maybe You stopped trying
then I remember that the only new addition to my personal museum of defeats is another failure to make You stop loving me.